My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
