I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
