hotel room ftw
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
