Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
