I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
