dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
