The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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