I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
