just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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