so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
