Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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