How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
