what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
