If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
