Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize