i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
