after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
