How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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