While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
