I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How does one acquire holy water?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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