Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
