I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
