I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
