I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
