he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
