I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
