I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
nutella sex= disaster
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
