I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
organizing the empties. That sober.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
