just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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