so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
