This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
