and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You took a bar mat shot.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
