nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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