Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
