I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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