New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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