In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We don't watch enough power rangers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
