what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize