Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize