I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I had to cum in my sink.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
