I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it because I queefed?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
