Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
