that's an acceptable place to lick
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
