Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize