a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Boobs speak an international language.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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