his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
