today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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