you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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