my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize