You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize