why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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