i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
