ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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