I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
