for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
