I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
