What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
