Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
