Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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