8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
