biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
