I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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