Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
