Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just cropdusted the office
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
