I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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