PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
