i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
